The Man Named John Pickle (written by me and luna!)

One day, a young man who went by the name of John Pickle was walking on the wing of an airplane. As the passengers on the inside of the plane watched anxiously as John teetered on the edge of the wing, a Phoenix suddenly swooped down and knocked John back. Confuzzled, John turned into a penguin and began to fight the Phoenix. The Phoenix, mad that John the Pickled Penguin was attacking him after saving his life, pecked John's leg, making him handicapped and therefore vulnerable. But alas! To the Phoenix's great surprise, John the Pickled Penguin was actually Wolverine, and the wound on his leg was instantly healed! Wolverine growled and made to swing at the fiery bird, but the Phoenix suddenly threw itself at Wolverine's face, then exploded into a huge fireball of doom, melting away Wolverine's skin on his face and showing off his adamantium skull. The ladies on board the airplane suddenly went gaga over the handsome, metal hero, and went out on the wing of the airplane and ran to him.Wolverine, never one to let the love of ladies get to his head, waved to the mob of women, then flipped backwards off the plane and into the sky. The foolish women were so infatuated with the Wolverine, that they also jumped off the airplane and began diving for him, and the Wolverine now had a choice to make. He could either save all these screaming fan girls and risk his life in the process, or he could save just himself and let the women fall to their doom. "What would Obama do?" he asked himself.  Well, that was an easy one. After watching all the women fall to the ground with sickening thuds, Wolverine closed his eyes, frowned, and suddenly transported himself to his secret cabin in the woods.There, he sat down and read the hit classic "Little Women". Right as Wolverine was beginning to tear up at Beth's death, there was a knock on the door.It was Obama. "Wolverine, I'd like to offer you a job so great, that you'll be known as a hero throughout these 52 states!" Clearly Obama was deranged, so Wolverine slammed the door in the Presidents face. Just as Wolverine was fixing to sit back down, there was a terrible blast, and the whole of Wolverine's front wall was gone.  Obama stood there with a combat suit on and a rocket launcher in hand...This was war. "Can't a guy ever get a break around here?" grumbled Wolverine as he slowly unsheathed his claws. "No, he cannot!" Obama screamed as he began shooting missiles at Wolverine. It was obvious that Wolverine was skilled in the art of parkour, as he performed a perfect launch over the missiles. Planting a foot on the flying missile, time slowed down as the Wolverine jumped from the missile with his claws extended, impaling them right into the heart of Obama, but the Wolverine found out a terrible secret as the President died. Obama was actually a woman. The Wolverine felt a terrible burden when he realized that he had killed a woman. In order to keep Obama's secret, Wolverine carried the corpse to the back of the cabin, where he had a plethora of hiding spots. He shoved the corpse into an Xbox 360 box and buried it. "Well, that takes care of that weirdo." Wolverine turned back into John Pickle, and continued to read "Little Women".

The End!